Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Job Vacancy: Glastonbury Headline Act

Date posted: Tuesday, 25th May 2010
Uncompetitive Salary / Temporary / Benefits

Following the news that U2 are unable to headline Glastonbury Festival's Pyramid Stage on the Friday night, a vacancy has come available.

It is an important year for the festival as it celebrates its 40th birthday. As such, the line-up needs to worthy of Michael Eavis' annual statement: "This is the best line-up ever".

The ideal candidate will have:

  • A history in the music industry and preferably with the festival itself, like Kylie Minogue.
  • At least 100,000 fans who already have a ticket, like Kylie Minogue.
  • An amazing live show, like Kylie Minogue.
  • Something to promote/reason to be in the UK already, like for instance a new album called 'Aphrodite'.
In case you were still wondering, CONglamourART is championing HRH Miss Kylie Minogue as U2's replacement. It just makes sense. She was set to do it in 2005, but had to pull out due to breast cancer. Basement Jaxx did a very weak attempt at filling the void, but there's something about the Pyramid Stage which just doesn't feel actualised. You know what to do, Emily.

Update (15:10) PopJustice is on the case!

@Popjustice - If hypothetically I were to be chatting with a certain Australian pop 'chanteuse' in around 20 mins is there anything you'd like me to ask?

CONglamourART put in the request.

Post interview Popjustice tweets:
@Popjustice -
I've decided I might go to Glastonbury

Excitement mounts!

Update (16:00) - NME sees the logic:

thought that Kylie Minogue – who was due to play the festival in 2005 before pulling out due to her cancer treatment – is another strong possibility.
'It makes sense for Eavis to invite Kylie back to headline,' they wrote. 'This time without cancer, but with an amazing new album.'"

Update (17:02) - PopJustice breaks the news

@PopJustice - Me: "If Michael Eavis phoned you up right now and said can you step in..." Kylie: "What would be the chances of THAT? (Laughs)"

@PopJustice - Me: "Has there been a conversation?" Kylie: "There's been a conversation. Let's just say I'm quite good at rising to a lastminute challenge"

Then after a considerable, but embarrasingly excited pause...

@PopJustice - There was some more waffle, all of which has been QUASHED by Kylie's publicist who point out that she has commitments in Paris that night.

@PopJustice - Basically Kylie played me. She played me like a CRAP BANJO.

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